Divide
by Imadork121
Summary: Whale really never should have made that bet with Regina. Look what happened to Rumpelstiltskin! And the town. And the clock tower. And Emma's car. Well, at least Henry knows how to make a decent cup of coffee now, right? Eh, let's just be glad most of the town has insurance. Most of the town, anyway...
1. Rumple Does Not Like Orange Goop

Chapter 1

It all started when Regina made a bet with Frankenstein.

While having lunch at Granny's, the doctor had dropped by, just to annoy her, while she was eating lunch, and made a snarky comment about how science was better then magic. Naturally, Regina had to disagree.

_"You're just saying that because you couldn't do any thing remotely scientific if you tried," Whale commented all-innocent-like._

_"Oh please." Regina rolled her eyes. "I could make something that would put all your zombie-experiments to shame. Something so scientifical it'll blow you away."_

_"Bet you can't. And scientifical's not a word."_

_"Oh, do you want to bet?"_

_"Well, I do need a new car. My last one was stomped on by Tiny when he came to town. Tell you what-if you can't make something impressively scientific, you give me your car. If you can, I'll give you free medical insurance."_

_Regina snorted. "Free insurance? That's the best you've got?"_

_"In this town, you might need it. But I'll throw in a box of Oreos."_

_"Deal."_

So now Regina was trying to think up something so science-y that it would blow Frankenstein away.

She paced up and down her black and white office, trying to make a decision. When she saw her copy of Harry Potter on her desk (She secretly enjoyed the series, even though she claimed that she thought it was stupid) she got it. She'd make a potion that did something cool.

Otherwise known as chemistry. That counted as science, right?

Every practicioner of magic had to have at least a basic knowledge of chemistry, primarily for brewing potions and curses. That was what Regina had learned when she had been a student under Rumpelstiltskin, and when she had watched her own mother work when she was young.

She secretly enjoyed making potions. She knew she could be a proffesional chemisist if she wanted to. At this thought, Regina smirked. Frankenstein had no idea what he was dealing with. And who said she couldn't cheat and use magic? Well, technically Frankenstein, but who cared what he had to say? All she had to do was get into her secret room in the cemetery.

Unfortunately, she had lost the keys to her secret room in the cemetery. It frustrated her to no end. Those set of keys were huge. How the hell could she have lost them? She suspected that Henry, Emma or possibly Rumpelstiltskin had something to do with it, but so far, they all seemed innocent. Well, as innocent as they could possibly look.

So as a result, Regina took herself down a notch and snuck into Henry's room. What else could she do? She did _not _want to lose her car.

Henry was away at the Charmings' apartment, so he wasn't there to stop her. And she had to admit, she was having a blast with his Junior Chemicist set. Maybe she could quit trying to kill Snow White and her family, give up dark magic, and become a chemicist?

_Nah._

Unfortunately, Regina's work was interrupted.

"Mom?"

_Crap._

"Henry!" Regina dropped the test tube she was working on and not-so-discreetly tried to block his view of her work. The fact that she was standing in his bedroom didn't make her look any less suspicious and she knew it. "What are you doing here? I thought that you were at Emma's?"

"I came back for my pillow." Henry frowned at his mother. "What are you doing?"

"I'm...uh...nothing!" The orange goop that was in the test tube she had dropped was oozing all over Henry's desk.

"Is that my chemistry set?" Henry attempted to peer around her. "Are you using magic again?"

"No! Of course not! I'm just...uh..." Regina was at loss for words, and was feeling stupider by the minute. She was playing with a child's chemistry set, for God's sake! And she called herself the Evil Queen!

"Give me my chemistry set Mom," Henry sighed.

"Henry," Regina protested, a slight whine entering her voice. She didn't want Henry to know she had made a bet with Frankenstein, her situation was already embarrassing enough as it was.

"Give it."

Slightly pouting, Regina waved her hand and the chemistry set appeared neatly packed up in Henry's arms.

"No more magic Mom," Henry scolded as he tucked the chemistry set under his arm and his pillow in the other.

"All right sweetie. Have a good time at Emma's," Regina said as perkily as she could but on the inside, she was still pouting for the set.

Henry left, and Regina sighed. Now what? She needed that set. She _would not_ lose her car to Whale. Damn whoever stole her keys.

Wait! Didn't Gold have another chemistry set in his shop somewhere? She could have sworn she had seen one, just like the one Henry had, before the curse was broken. Sure it's been a while since she had seen it, but maybe it was still there? Somewhere?

She teleported herself to Gold's shop in a puff of purple smoke. Thankfully, it was getting dark, so hopefully Gold wouldn't be likely to return for some time. Regina began to search the shelves for that chemistry set.

"Aha!" There it was. Tucked underneath some large, dusty book.

Regina kneeled down and moved the book. There was a loud clink as something heavy fell to the ground. She set down the book and saw that the heavy thing was her keys. So Rumpelstiltskin _did_ steal them.

_That bastard! Eh, I'll kill him later._

She pocketed the keys and opened the chemistry set.

Almost giddy with relief, Regina pulled it out and started mixing chemicals right then and there, knowing that she only had less then two hours to present her potion to Frankenstien. She recreated the goopy orange potion she had been working on before Henry had walked in on her, and continued to work.

About a half hour later, Regina was so absorbed in her creation that she barely noticed Gold's accent floating through the air outside the shop, with Belle's giggles added onto it.

But she did notice, and her mind managed to comprehend what it was hearing, and when it did, she mentally screamed a few swear words. Cursing herself for the second time that day, Regina quickly packed up the content of the set as fast as she could.

When she heard Gold's keys at the door, and the bell jingling in response to the door being opened, she remembered _'dur, I got magic!_' and the contents of the chemistry set flew into the box with ease. Holding the beaker containing her potion, Regina grabbed the chemistry set, whirled around ready to teleport-

-And ran right into a pissed-off Rumplestiltskin.

Miraculously, none of the beaker's contents spilled on Regina, but Gold wasn't so lucky. Most of it splashed onto his suit, and the rest got in his hair and all over his face. Belle let out a little gasp behind him. Regina backed away and saw Rumplestiltskin glaring at her with as much dignity as he could muster at that moment, which wasn't really much, but he had plenty of fury he was ready to unleash upon her nevertheless.

"REGINA!" He snapped. "What the HELL are you doing?!"

Regina looked down into the beaker and saw that there was none of her potion left in there. It was all on Gold, who was narrowing his eyes at her dangerously in an _'I'm going to kill you now'_ look.

Yep. It was time to go.

"Bye." She vanished in a puff of smoke.

It was only when she was back in her house that she realized that she didn't know what the potion actually did. She had just been fooling around with chemicals, and hadn't really trying to make anything, just trying to prove to that damn Frankenstein that she could do something science-y, or at the most started steaming dramatically when she poured it on something.

Regina sighed. Well, she would wait until tommorrow to see what she'd created.

* * *

"Has any of it come off?" Belle called through Rumplestiltskin's bathroom door. She had ended up taking him home after Regina left before his fit of anger could go into overdrive.

As Prince Charming would say in overall bluntness-"That would be bad."

"NO!" Gold made several muffled sounds of frustration, possibly with a few swear words added onto it. Belle stood patiently at his door."Can you bring me some dish soap please?"

_Dish soap?_

Oh God. Even though Belle couldn't see the future like her true love could, she knew Regina had a special brand of 'Stiltskin-hell coming.

"Of course sweetheart." As Belle ran for the dish soap, Rumplestiltskin muttered a few more swear words as he attempted to scrub off the goo from his face with a sponge. He had given up on the goo that matted his hair for a long time. He had gotten out of the shower an hour ago when his skin had started to prune. A towel was wrapped around his waist, and a little bit of the goo had started to soak onto it.

Words could not describe how furious he was at the Evil Queen. His 600 dollar suit had been ruined by that sticky orange goop that had literally sunk through his shirt and stuck to his skin. Gold's chest, neck, face, hair, and arms were completely covered in orange.

And after almost an hour of constant scrubbing, he hadn't gotten a flake of it off.

To make matters worse, Gold was starting to get a splitting headache.

"Here's the dish soap." Belle opened the door and walked in, stopping short when she saw the sight of him. Rumpestiltskin glowered miserably at the floor.

"You haven't gotten any of it off?" Belle said incredulously.

"No. Not at all."

"I'm-_erm_-sorry." Belle was trying as hard as she could not to smile. It was a little funny.

"Are you laughing?" Rumplestiltskin snapped, and when his head flew up, Belle was taken aback by the intense anger in his eyes.

"No, I'm sorry Rumple," Belle stammered, feeling a little shocked.

Gold glared at her for a minute, then blinked like he had just been slapped.

"Ow..." He rubbed his forehead. "Belle-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's all right." Belle felt a little twinge of relief. "Here, let me try."

Belle grabbed a washcloth and squirted a little dish soap onto it, and she attempted to scrub to goo off his cheek.

What she didn't count on was the weird suction noise that was very loud and sounded _very_ wrong.

Belle moved her hand, attempting to bring down the washcloth, but Rumpel's head jerked down with the towel and he yelped.

"_Holy Mother of_-Belle!"

"Sorry!" Gold's head moved back in it's normal position and the towel, which stayed onto his forhead, flopped in front of his eyes. Belle saw with shock that the dish soap had somehow reacted with the orange goop creating a weird, disgusting type of glue.

"Oh my-" Belle's free hand clapped to her mouth.

"What's wrong?" Gold asked, sounding a little anxious. His hand grabbed hers. "Are you all right? What happened?"

"The towel's stuck." She gave it a light tug.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Belle looked at him, and when she saw how worried he looked, she realized he was being serious.

"Rumpel, I'm fine...it's just a washcloth," Belle reassured him, her brow starting to crease. He was acting a little weird.

"Oh, of course...ugh..." Rumpel rubbed his forehead and gave a little moan. "God...my head..."

"Are you all right?" Belle asked.

"Fine...holy-" Rumpel stopped when her hand let go of the towel and it hung there, stuck to his cheek, swaying slightly. Staring into the mirror, Rumpelstiltskin attempted to yank it off, but gave a little wince of pain.

"What the hell is this stuff?" Rumpelstlitskin muttered. "I'm going to _strangle_ the queen."

"I know you will sweetheart." Belle sighed. "Well, the dish soap doesn't work."

"No it does not..._ow..._" He rubbed his head with a little moan.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?" Belle asked, frowning.

"Fine..." Gold turned towards her and gave her a wicked-looking grin, which startled her some. "Say sweetie, how 'bout you and I take a nap together and...OUCH!" Rumpelstiltskin winced, the grin vanishing.

Belle felt her face burn slightly.

"But that wouldn't be right, because we aren't married yet, and it's improper for a couple to sleep together before they're married..." Gold mumbled.

"What are you talking about? We cuddle together all the time," Belle pointed out.

"_Ergh_..." Rumpelstiltskin moaned.

"You know, a nap for you sounds like a good idea." Belle took his hand and led him to his bedroom, then paused, noticing the towel around his hips. "Would you like to get some pants on first?"

"Pants..." Gold mumbled, sounding like a fever patient.

He sounded like he had no idea what she was saying.

"Or at least some underwear?" Belle pressed, hoping he'd snap out of his daze.

"Underwear..." Gold mumbled.

_Seriously?_ Belle sighed, and just decided to put him to bed the way he was, towel and all. She went ahead and pulled back the covers and turned back to Rumpelstiltskin, who seemed to be arguing with himself.

"Son of a bitch! No, you shut up! Quiet, I'm trying to think! Shut up all of you! Stop yelling!"

Belle watched him with growing concern. She decided there was a certain Evil Queen that she wanted to visit, and possibly a certain therapist.

She waited for Rumpelstiltskin to get under the covers, but he just kept muttering to himself. Eventually, Belle just gave him a little nudge in the shoulder. At her touch, he literally fell into bed, landing facedown in his pillow.

Sighing, Belle pulled the covers over him and moved his head so that his face was out of his pillow. No need in him suffocating in his sleep.

Upon leaving the room, she switched off the lights and left.

* * *

Archie she had on speed dial, but Belle had to go to Regina's house in order to talk to her. She normally tried to avoid the woman as much as she could, for obvious reasons. It wasn't like Belle regularly went out for brunch with the woman who captured her and held her captive for almost thirty years.

"Regina?" Belle rapped on the door.

The former mayor didn't answer.

"Regina!" Belle knocked on the door harder.

Nothing.

"REGINA!" Belle was practically kicking and punching the poor piece of wood.

Nothing.

Was she purposely avoiding her?

Knowing Regina, probably.

"I can wait here all night!" Belle shouted.

After fifteen minutes, Belle gave up and left.

* * *

"So where's your marvelous creation?" Whale smirked at her.

Regina glared at him. "About that..."

"You couldn't do it, could you?" Whale was grinning from ear to ear. "Ha! I knew it! You owe me your car, Queenie!"

"First of all, don't call me Queenie," Regina growled. "Second, I did succeed in making something from Henry's chemical set. Only..."

"What?" Whale's smirk was starting to dissapear.

"I spilled it on Gold," Regina confessed.

"You _what?"_ Whale stared at her like she was crazy.

"I know, and I need you to help me create an antidote for...whatever I made."

"_You don't know what you made?!"_ Whale looked like he was going to throttle her. "You don't try to create something _without knowing what the hell you're going to make!"_

"You didn't exactly _tell me_ what to make from the damn chemistry set!" Regina snapped.

"That's because you said you were going to, and I quote, '_make something so scientifical, it will blow you away!' _" Whale pitched his voice an octave higher, and sounded nothing like her, in Regina's opinion. "And scientifical is _not _a word, by the way! I looked it up!"

"Then tell me how to reverse the effects of whatever the hell I made!" Regina shrieked.

"Fine!" Whale snapped. "But before I do that, we have to watch Rumpelstiltskin and see what your potion did to him."

"Hopefully, it'll turn him into a toad or something," Regina muttered.

A/N-So what do you think the potion did to Rumple? It's probably not that hard to guess. Or maybe it is. I kinda hope it is. ;) Just so you know, this story doesn't really line up with the timeline of the show. I would like to say it takes place during Season 2, but Neal's in this and Belle has her memory. I just wanted everyone back in Storybrooke, having a grand old time wrecking havoc. Review if you want me to continue, please!


	2. The Town Residents Are Very Confused

A/N-No Regina in this chapter, sorry, but there is Rumbelle! Yay Rumbelle! I meant to get this chapter up earlier, but Finals are coming up, and yadda yadda yadda. None of you probably want to hear about my boring little life. Oh, and I don't own OUAT. If I did, I would be eating dinner with Robert Carlye (squeeee) and the rest of the simply fabulous cast and crew.

Chapter 2

**Monday, 2:35 AM**

Whale yawned. Clearly, staying up until 2:30 in the morning playing Plants vs. Zombies on his phone was a bad idea.

But he couldn't help it. God, how could a bunch of angry plants battling zombies be so addicting?

Thankfully, before he became an insomniac, his phone died. The zombies gave one last cry of 'braaaaains' before his the screen went black and a little apple symbol appeared.

Whale sighed, and attached the phone to his charger. Rubbing at the bags under his eyes, Whale stood up from his kitchen table, preparing to go to bed.

That's when the lights went out.

The infamous doctor frowned, becoming a little paranoid. The last time the lights went out, it was at the hospital when one of his science experiments had ripped his arm off. That experience was something Whale didn't want to repeat again, and with the mysterious serum that stupid Queen had poured all over Rumplestiltskin, who knew what would happen?

Whale went to his closet and pulled out a flashlight. He flipped it on and went to find the fuse box down in the basement of his house.

When he opened it up, the all the fuses were untouched.

Huh. Maybe it was just his imagination getting the better of him.

"Hello dearie!"

Whale slowly turned around and saw the green-skinned face of the imp he had thought had dissapeared along with the curse. The filmy eyes smirked at him viciously. The doctor froze when he heard the maniacal, creepy giggle.

Great, first it was Regina's boyfriend, now it's the Dark One. Why was it always the doctor who gets attacked? _Why_?

**Monday, 4:33 AM**

Belle wasn't an early riser.

So at four-thirty in the morning, she did not appreciate a hand shaking her shoulder, gently jerking her awake.

"Mmph-ugh..." Belle mumbled under her breath.

"Belle?" A familiar accent whispered.

Belle blinked her eyes open. "Rumple?" She brushed a strand of hair out of her face and looked up at Rumplestiltskin's silhouette in the dark.

"Rumple...what?" Belle muttered. "What are you doing?"

She saw a flash of white teeth.

"I missed you, that's all."

All of a sudden, he was kissing her, in a way that was hard and messy.

"Rumple!" Belle sat up and switched on the light. Or would have, if it hadn't turned out dead.

"Oh, the lights went out sweetheart. I brought a flashlight, don't worry." The said flashlight switched on, and Rumple's face was visible. Belle immediately studied him to see if anything was off, since it wasn't like him to wake her up so early in the morning.

He didn't look much different, except for the grin that seemed a little more cockier than usual, and-was he wearing a leather jacket? He hadn't worn leather since his Enchanted Forest days, as far as she knew. And...sunglasses? Why on earth was he wearing sunglasses? It was night time.

"Rumple, you look...erm, different," Belle said, frowning.

His grin grew wider. "Good, different?"

"I-guess."

Now he looked like the Chesire Cat. Slowly, Rumpelstiltskin crawled slowly across the bed, like a worm inching forward, until he and Belle were nose-to-nose. Belle's eyes accidently trailed down.

_Ah. Leather pants._

Belle knew where this was going.

**Monday, 7:32 AM**

It was her day off.

Emma woke up to a warm, cozy bed, and bluebirds chirping in the background, sunlight streaming through the windows...

And her phone ringing.

_"Baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, the way you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell, you don't kno-o-ow, you don't know you're beautiful..."_

Great. Hook had changed her ring tone again. Someday, she would have a serious conversation with that pirate. Emma's hand flopped out from under the covers and groped for the phone.

"Sheriff Swan," She muttered sleepily.

"Uh, Emma? We kind of have a problem."

It was David. He sounded slightly pissed.

"What's wrong?" She asked, feeling a little more alert.

"Just get down here, quick." Her father hung up before she could reply.

Frowning, Emma got out of bed and went to wake Henry.

**Monday, 7:45 AM**

After a long morning's bruhaha, Red was left tending to the diner. Due to the power outage about six hours ago, Red had to light candles and open a few windows to let the sunlight in. She put ice in the refridgerator to keep the food cool and when she was finished, she settled behind the counter, waiting for any customer that came along.

A few minutes ticked by, and no one came in. She wasn't exactly surprised, even though Mondays were normally one of the diner's busiest days. The power outage was probably keeping people at bay.

Red decided it was time to paint her nails, red, naturally. Pulling out the bottle of polish, Red slowly started spreading the red polish over her nails.

When she was halfway done with her right hand, she heard the familiar tinkle of a bell. Red looked up from her nails nad noticed Mr. Gold striding towards the counter.

"Hey Mr. Gold," She said as politely as she could, but internally, she was wishing someone else had came in as her first customer as the day. Gold was probably here to pester her about rent or something.

"Good morning, Miss Lucas," Gold said much more pleasantly then she was used to from him. His cane tapped against the floor as he went to sit at the counter. He took a seat across from her and smiled at her with a genuine sweetness that it shocked her.

"Are...you all right?" Red asked, frowning.

"Fine, thank you for asking. You look lovely today, Miss Lucas. Red is a very good color on you."

Red stared at him in horror. "_Oh my God_," She muttered, and immediately pulled out her cell phone. She found Belle's number in her contacts and pressed 'call.'

The entire the time the phone was ringing, Rumplestiltskin was staring at her with the same sweet smile on his face. If it was on anyone else's face, it would have been a pleasant sight, but for Gold, it was a little scary.

_"Um, you've reached Belle, I'm not here right now so um...sorry about that. Call me back later."_

Red frowned at the voicemail and tried calling again.

Same result.

"Excuse me," Gold tapped her shoulder gently. "Can I order now?"

Red stared at him for any signs of fever. She couldn't see any, but that didn't mean he wasn't suffering from an illness. Or bipolar syndrome. Or something else. But he looked exactly as he normally did. Well, his hair looked a little neater, and instead of a suit jacket, he was wearing a white button-up shirt. Besides that, nothing out of ordinary.

"Sure, why not?" She sighed. "Your usual?"

"Yes please." Gold nodded his head like a child, and kept smiling innocently at her.

"Okay..." Red stared at him, slowly stepping towards the kitchen. That smile. It seemed so genuinely innocent. What the hell was wrong with him?

A couple minutes later, Red brought out a stack of pancakes dribbled with powdered sugar instead of syrup. She set it down in front of Gold.

"Thank you." He said, and picked up a fork. Gold took a bite and smiled at her. "It's delicious as always."

"Okay," Red said lamely.

Her mind was officially boggled.

As Gold ate, all she could do was stare open-mouthed at him, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

_Spell gone wrong?_

_Alien abduction?_

_Personality switch?_

Gold eventually finished and took a few bills out of his pocket. He placed them on the counter, and Red saw in shock that he had given her over sixty dollars.

"The pancakes are only ten, you know," Red protested.

"Oh, consider the rest as a tip. Have a good day, Miss Lucas." Gold gave her a final smile, and left.

Red gaped at his retreating back. When he was gone, she reclined back in the chair behind the counter and rubbed her head.

"I gotta cut off the amount of caffeine in the mornings," Red muttered.

**Monday, 7:50 AM**

Along the way to Granny's, Emma could see that the town had been thrashed.

Giant cracks ran along the sidewalks and the gravel roads. Windows in various buildings had been completely smashed.

_What the hell happened?_

Emma pulled up in front of Granny's in her infamous yellow bug, with Henry in the backseat. She could see why David had called her from the car, and it made her jaw drop.

"Why's the clock tower pink?" Henry asked, frowning.

The entire clock tower looked like it had been spray-painted entirely pink. A crowd of people, including Emma's parents, Archie, and Neal were gathered around the library peering up at the splattered pink mess.

"What the hell?" Emma muttered under her breath and got out of the car. Henry followed suit.

Mother and son strode up to the crowd and next to Snow and David. The two fairy-tale legends greeted them with hugs and looked at her expectantly.

"So..." Emma said slowly. "The clock tower's pink."

David bit his lip. "Yeaaah."

Emma bit her lip. "Any suspects?"

He shook his head. 'Nope."

Emma nodded slowly. "Are we going to end up visiting Gold?"

"Most likely."

Emma sighed. "Wanna go now and just get it over with?"

"Might as well."

"Let's go then." Emma turned around and headed in the direction of Gold's pawnshop. Her parents, Henry, Neal, Archie, Grumpy, and Granny followed her.

"You don't think my dad did this, do you?" Neal asked, frowning.

"Nah, vandalism's not really his style," Henry piped up.

"Good point." Neal let out a loud sigh.

"What?" Emma asked.

"I was just reassured by my ten-year-old son that my dad didn't commit an act of vandalism," Neal groaned. "Am I the only one who sees what's wrong with that?"

"I'm always open for therapy," Archie told him.

"Hold up," Grumpy held up his hand. "We have a pirate on the doorstep."

"Wha...oh, Hook!" Snow said.

Sure enough, Hook had beat them to Gold's front door. And he was pissed.

"Open up!" He shrieked, kicking the door angrily. "I know you're responsible for this, Crocodile! OPEN UP!"

"Whoa Hook!" Emma grabbed his collar and yanked him back. "I get the town is in shambles, but we don't know if Gold's responsible or not!"

Hook stopped struggling, and stared at her blankly.

"The town's in shambles?" He asked. Then he looked around and gasped. "Damn."

"And the clock tower's pink," Archie added.

Hook gaped at the pink clock tower. "_Damn._"

"I know right? I didn't notice it at first either!" Archie said excitedly.

"You're all idiots," Granny mumbled.

"If you're not mad at Rumplestiltskin for destroying the town, then why are you mad?" Snow asked.

"Besides the obvious?"

Snow nodded.

"My trenchcoat's missing!" Hook yelled. "And I think the Crocodile stole it!"

"Your-trenchcoat?" Emma asked.

"Look! It's gone!" Hook spread out his arms in emphasis, and sure enough, his usual, menacing-looking-dark-and-sexy trenchcoat was gone.

"Why would he steal your trenchcoat?" Neal asked slowly.

"No idea! But I want it back!" Hook resumed kicking on the door, wailing loudly.

"Okay! Okay! Shut up!" Emma pushed him aside. "Have you tried turning the doorknob?" She grabbed the knob and twisted. The door slowly creaked open.

Hook's face turned bright red. "Uh, yeah! It's just...my hook! Got in the way!"

"What about your other hand?" Charming asked.

Hook was silent. "I'm not the same without my trenchcoat," He said after a while, looking sheepish.

"Let's just go!" Grumpy interrupted, and walked into Gold's shop, followed by Neal, followed by Emma, and followed by everyone else.

The lights were all out, prompting everyone to speak quietly.

"Rumpelstiltskin?" David called softly.

"Gold?" Emma added quietly.

"Papa?" Neal whispered.

"MR. GOLD!" Henry screeched at the top of his lungs, scaring the bejeezies out of everyone. Archie tripped over a random object and stumbled. Henry gave them all a sweet, innocent smile.

"Jesus, kid, don't do that!" Grumpy said angrily.

"Someone hit the damn light switch!" Granny yelled.

"Hold on, hold on," A familiar voice floated through the darkness. There was a flip of a light switch and suddenly, everyone could see again.

"Thanks Gold," David grunted. Neal looked at his father, and froze.

"Uh, Papa?" He asked, mouth agape.

"Yes, Baelfire?" His father responded.

"Why are you wearing glasses?"

Rumplestiltskin's hair was neatly combed and looked like it had been smoothed back with hair gel. His suit was more perfectly pressed then usual. And he as wearing glasses, much to everyone's shock. He looked like a light-haired Atticus Finch.

"Um, Gold?" Emma said slowly.

"Yes Miss Swan?" Gold asked. His voice held an air of authority and sharp intelligence when he spoke.

"What's with the glasses?" Emma kept staring.

He frowned. "Whatever do you mean, Miss Swan?"

Gold moved from behind the counter and his company noticed he didn't have a cane. He appeared to be walking just fine.

"And what happened to the cane?" Archie asked, looking perplexed.

"I found that it wasn't particularly neccesary. My leg is neither sore or stiff, and I can walk exceptionally. Therefore, I do not require it."

He sounded like Spock, if Spock had a Scottish accent. Emma looked like she was trying to resist the urge to laugh.

"Well, ahem, we came here because the clock tower's pink, and... we kinda want to know who did it. Or how to fix it."

Gold stared at her quizzically. "Miss Swan, you can easily just clean it off with the right cleaning materials. I believe you can find them at the former Leroy's store? And as for the perpitraitor, your assumption is as useful as mine."

Emma stared at him. Even Hook looked a little concerned.

"Are you all right?" Emma asked finally.

"Perfectly, Miss Swan." With a nod of dissmisal, Gold walked casually to the back room.

His remaining company stared at him.

"He didn't even say hi to me," Neal muttered.

Everyone switched their stares to him.

Neal shrugged, a bit of red appearing on his cheeks. "Whenever he sees me, he always says hi."

"Well boo-hoo for you," Grumpy snapped. "What are we going to do now?"

No one had an answer.

**Monday, 12:15 PM **

Red's granny had returned to the diner mumbling angrily about something. Red didn't ask. It was better not to get in the way of her grandmother's fury.

The diner had gotten a little more business throughout the next few days. Ella and her new husband had even stopped by to say hi.

Thomas had later excused himself to go relieve the babysitter of her duties, and Ella and Red were left talking.

"Wait, he was actually nice?" Ella said incredulously. "I don't believe it!"

"El, I swear to God, he tipped me fifty bucks. Look!" Red pulled out a couple of bills and showed the girl next to her. Ella's jaw dropped.

"I still don't believe it!" Ella declared.

The bell jingled. The girls turned their heads around and saw Gold stalk in.

"See, watch." Red smiled at Gold as he stomped towards the counter.

"Hi Mr. Gold!" Red said brightly.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, bitch!" Gold growled as he sat down and crossed his arms like a toddler would.

Red was taken aback. "I-would you like me to take your order?"

"Yeah yeah. Get me a burger and an ice tea. And hurry up!" Gold snapped rudely.

Red stared at him for a moment. He was acting so differently then he was this morning. What happened to that innocent little smile? The politeness?

"Okay," She said slowly, and left for the kitchen.

After one minute, Gold's voice was yelling from the diner.

"What the _hell_ is taking so long?!"

Red carried out the plate with his hamburger and plopped it down in front of him. "Here."

Gold glared at her, and took a bite of his hamburger.

Judging by the people staring at him, Red knew she wasn't the only one surprised. Gold seemed...angrier than usual.

"Why the hell do you always wear red?" Gold snapped. "Just because you're named after the color doesn't mean that you have to wear it all the time."

As soon as he was finished with his hamburger, Gold grabbed several bills and threw them in Red's face. Then he left, practically stomping out the door.

Ella shrugged. "He seems normal to me." Then she frowned. "Wait. He didn't have a cane."

Red didn't care if he had a cane or not. Insted, she checked to see if he had left any extra cash.

Nothing! It was exactly the amount that he owed. He didn't even leave her a tip.

Red sighed. She should have known it wouldn't have lasted.

**Monday, 6:05 PM**

Eventually, the investigation commitee (aka the Charmings, Neal, Hook, and the dwarves) eventually decided just to all go to dinner. The trail had hit a dead end.

So they hit Granny's.

"Hey Red," Snow greeted her friend.

Red smiled and nodded, but it was clear her mind was elsewhere.

"What's wrong?" Henry asked.

"Your grandpa's been acting weird today. And I don't mean Charming." Red frowned.

Neal's eyebrows knitted together at the mention of his father. "Yeah, we went by his shop this morning and he was wearing glasses."

Red snorted, then looked confused. "Wait a minute. This morning, Gold was here. Eating breakfast."

Emma shook her head. "No, he was at his pawnshop."

Red opened her mouth to reply, when the bell jingled. In walked in Rumpelstiltskin...wearing a turtleneck?

"Okay, first the glasses, now it's a turtleneck." Hook muttered. "What the bloody hell is going on around here?"

"Papa!" Neal called, standing up from the booth and waving.

Gold turned to face his son and froze. About ten people were looking at him, and for a minute, he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Then he turned and fled.

Those at the booth looked stunned for the millionth time that day. Gold practically knocked several people over in his mad rush to the bathroom.

"What the-" David muttered.

Grumpy shrugged. "Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go."

Barely two seconds after he said that, the bell jingled again. A giggling Belle walked in, arm and arm with...

Rumpelstiltskin.

The dwarves' eyes bugged out, Ruby's eye twitched slightly, and everyone else looked stunned.

Stranger enough, the Rumpelstiltskin who just walked in was not wearing a turtleneck. He was dressed in leather, his hair was slightly disheveled, and sunglasses covered his eyes.

"Holy-Papa?" Neal gasped.

"Wait, didn't he just-" David looked flummoxed. "How did he change clothes so fast?"

"Magic?" Archie suggested.

Belle smiled at them. "What?" She asked.

"He was just in here," Emma said lamely.

Belle frowned. "What are you talking about? Rumple was with me all day."

"All day, sweetheart." Rumpelstiltskin smirked at her and licked her neck.

"Rumple!" Belle giggled, and playfully shoved him off.

"Ew," Henry muttered, making a face.

"Wait, but if he was with you all day-" Red looked confused "Then who just-"

The bell jangled again, and in walked another Rumpelstiltskin. The one wearing glasses.

"Oh dear," Rumple-in-glasses said. "It appears that this is a bad time."

Everyone in the diner stared, their eyes slowly bugging out and jaws dropping for the millionth time that day.

Rumple-in-leather sighed irritably. "What the hell do you want, you old stick in the mud?"

"Well, considering I have concocted a possible antidote for our...current condition, I thought you might want to be there for our trial." Rumple-in-glasses said matter-of-factly.

"Fine," Rumple-in-leather snapped, then planted a kiss on Belle's cheek. "I'll be back, sweetheart."

Belle could only stare at him, her eyes like saucers.

"By the way, have you seen Timid?" Rumple-in-glasses said. "He's the only one absent. Well, besides...you know."

"Yeah, these guys said that one of us came through here." Rumple-in-leather inclined his head towards the bathroom.

Rumple-in-glasses nodded and went into the bathrooms.

Rumple-in-leather rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, completely ignoring the amount of stares he was getting.

Rumple-in-glasses returned, dragging along the turtleneck-wearing Rumpelstiltskin.

"Don't take me back to Angry!" Turtleneck-Rumple wailed.

"Come on now, hurry up," Rumple-in-glasses ordered.

The three Rumpelstiltskins strode out of the Diner, acting unaware of the stares on their backs.

There was a brief silence.

Hook eventually broke it, by saying exactly what was on their minds.

"What the f-"


	3. Regina Has Officially Screwed Up

A/N-Thanks for the reviews guys! And yes, Jefferson will be in this. Like, a lot. I never liked how they just stopped using him on the show, and I don't mean for the spinoff. :)

Chapter 3

**Monday, 6:35 PM**

"Regina! Regina!"

Belle was spitting mad, and was angrily pounding on the Evil Queen's front door. Behind her stood Emma, Neal, Snow, David, Henry, Hook, Grumpy, and Ruby. Archie had been left at the diner in the hands of Granny considering that he had fainted dead away soon after the three Rumple's had left. The group had left him with his face in his soup.

"Three Rumpelstiltskin's!" Hook ranted to himself. "Three of them! I can't believe it! Which one do you think stole my trenchcoat?"

"Should I care?" Grumpy muttered.

"There may be more," Ruby said thoughtfully. "There was the one with Belle, the one in glasses, the one with the turtleneck, and there was a nice one who came by the diner this morning and a mean one who came by this afternoon..."

"Five Rumpelstiltskin's," David groaned. "Great. One's bad enough."

"Belle, can I ask how this will help our current situation?" Neal asked patiently as he and his family watched the angry beauty pound on the Madame Mayor's door.

"Yesterday, Rumple and I went by his shop on the way home from dinner," Belle said angrily. "Regina was rummaging through some stuff and she spilled some orange stuff in a test tube all over him. He started acted strangely before I ended up putting him to bed."

"Is that so sweetheart?' Hook smirked at her and raised his eyebrows.

Belle glared at him.

"What orange stuff?" Emma asked, in order to prevent a fight.

"It looked kind of like orange superglue. It got all over him, and he spent all night trying to get it out," Belle said, before ringing Regina's doorbell a few times.

"Why would Regina have orange superglue while she was breaking into Gold's shop?" Ruby asked slowly.

The door opened, making everyone jump. Regina peeked her head out, grinning sheepishly.

Oh yeah, Emma thought. She knows she's in trouble.

"Hey!" Regina said cheerfully. "Long time no see! I was just...uh...doing mayor stuff. It's really important, so bye!"

"Wait a minute! David snapped, and stuck his foot in Regina's doorway just as she swung the door closed.

Or she would have, if David's foot hadn't been there. It got crunched in between the door and the door frame. Immediately, David howled in pain, and started hopping on one foot like a cartoon character would.

"Ow ow _ow_!" He wailed.

Regina opened the door again and watched him for a moment, looking amused. Belle saw her chance and pushed her way in.

"Hey!" Regina protested. "Mayor stuff in here, hello!"

"What did you do to Rumple?" Belle demanded angrily, planting herself in front of Regina.

"And what was that orange superglue that you spilled all over him?" Emma added, while dishing out the 'Charming stern look.'

Regina glared at Belle. "You told them?"

"After what happened to Rumple, why wouldn't I?" Belle snapped.

Regina was silent for a moment. The only sound was David hitting the ground on his side and silently screaming a few swear words. Everyone ignored him.

"Okay fine," Regina said finally. "I was in Gold's shop because I was working on a potion. Gold had the supplies I needed. I was about to teleport out when I ran into him. Literally, I ran into him." She narrowed her eyes at them. "Shouldn't you CSI geniuses be trying to figure out who ransacked some of the houses in town and who cut the power instead of obssessing over that imp?

Belle narrowed her eyes. "Actually, this kind of seems more important, but if you want proof of that, follow us." The brunette turned around and stalked out the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" Red shouted.

"To Rumple's house!" Belle shouted. "I think that's where all the Rumple's might be."

"Wait, all the Rumple's?" Regina asked, looking confused.

"You'll see in a minute, sister," Grumpy sneered, and shoved her out the front door.

"Hey, you can't do that! I am queen! And I'm mayor! And a magician, and that's more then what Snow White can say!" Regina protested.

Snow sighed at the Regina's comments, and nudged her husbad with her foot. "Get up, darling. We're going to Rumpelstiltskin's place."

"But honeymuffin!" David moaned, obviously trying to get out of going to Rumpelstiltskin's house. "My foot! It's-it's wounded!"

"How can your foot be technically wounded?" Hook asked to know one in particular. "It's a part of the human body...so technically the human body is wounded..."

Emma shot a glare at him to get him to shut up.

"My peach, I'm afraid I can't go. My foot hurts too much," David sighed sadly. "Good luck with Rumpelstiltskin though."

"Smoochi-poo, stop being a drama queen. Get your adorable little ass up and in the car or I'll kick it in there for you," Snow said sweetly.

David looked downcast and got up.

"I don't want to help Rumpelstiltskin!" He tried. "You probably don't either! C'mon babycakes, he's Rumpelstiltskin!"

"Hunny-bunny, I know he's caused us all strife at one point or another, but it's our duty as the king and queen..."

"Damn right he's caused us strife! And besides, he keeps out-doing me as a grandfather!" Snow and Emma had by then started to drag David into Emma's bug.

"We are not having this conversation again," Snow said through gritted teeth.

"It's true! You know what he got for Henry's birthday after I gave him a horse?"

"What?" Snow and Emma sighed in unison.

"A car! And not just a car, a freaking convertabile! A Ferrari! He got Henry a freaking Ferrari convertabile and Henry can't even drive yet!"

"It's okay Grandpa!" Henry piped up. "Pop-pop takes me out to drive his car for practice!"

It was hard to tell who was more upset about overhearing that comment-David, Snow, Emma, Neal, or Regina.

"Whaaaaat?" They snapped in unison.

"Whoops." Henry looked sheepish.

"He lets you call him Pop-pop?!" David exclaimed, looking more bothered by that then the whole car situation.

"Well, not to his face," Henry admitted. "Otherwise he won't let me choose what's on the radio."

"Hurry up!" Belle screamed from Neal's car.

"Coming!" Snow called, and she and Emma dragged a reluctant David to the bug, Hook trailing behind them.

* * *

**Monday, 7:05 PM **

"How is this even possible?" Regina asked, looking like she was about to have a heart attack.

Six almost identical Rumpelstiltskin's were sitting on the couch in front of the group, each dressed differently. Emma, Neal, Belle and the others watched Regina carefully, hoping she would be able to find a way to reverse the dilemma.

"How should we know?" A Rumple that seemed angrier than all the others snapped. "Your magic superglue was what got us into this shit."

"Don't swear!" The turtleneck-wearing Rumple cried, and to everyone's surprise, burst into tears.

"There there," The Rumple sitting next to turtleneck-Rumple said reassuringly, patting his shoulder.

"So there's actually six," David muttered. "Six Rumpelstiltskin's. My God, now I am extremely glad we don't have Thanksgiving in our land. Can you imagine having dinner with six Rumpelstiltskin's?"

Snow shushed him.

"Do you have any idea how to fix this?" Neal asked Regina.

Regina bit her lip, not responding.

"She doesn't know," One of the Rumpelstiltskin's said sadly. This one was dressed entirely in black, and looked pretty depressed. "We're going to be stuck like this forever, probably..."

"Oh shut up!" Angry-Rumple snapped.

"Okay, do any of you have some idea what's happening?" Emma interrupted before the Rumple's could go at eachother's throats.

"I do, my dear," Glasses-wearing Rumple piped up smoothly over the bickering of his clones.

"Good. Considering you seem to be the logical one here, I guess that's a good thing," Emma said, crossing her arms.

"So what happened?" Neal asked.

"Well, after Regina spilled her serum on Rumpelstiltskin, he spent the next hour with Belle trying to get it off of him. It was very sticky," Rumple-in-glasses began.

"Uh-huh..." Emma said.

"Then he developed a splitting headache, and Belle eventually put him to bed..."

"Uh-huh..."

"Then the next morning, he woke up as us." Rumple-in-glasses gestured to himself and his clones. "That's it to the story, really, only I've been attempting to try and get us all back into a single entity."

"How's that going?" Regina asked.

"Not well, I'm afraid," Rumple-in-glasses admitted. "Especially since I've also been attempting to fufill Rumpelstiltskin's regular duties as a pawnbroker, Dark One, and owner of most of the town. Since I am the one who seems to have inheirited his logical and calm-minded persona, it only seems fitting that I be the one who takes care of his daily duties."

"Hold on, hold on, back up." Neal held up his hands in a 'slow down' gesture. "You're the one who inheirited his what?"

"I've done some research, and I've realized that each of us have manifested a certain emotion or trait of Rumpelstiltskin's," Rumple-in-glasses said matter-of-factly. "He, for example-" He pointed at the angry Rumple who glared at him. "Seems to have inheirited all of Rumpelstiltskin's anger and negative emotions. Him, on the other hand-"The finger pointed at the Rumple in the dress shirt who had comforted turtleneck-Rumple. "Has all of Rumpelstiltskin's kinder qualities and positive emotions. The one in the leather jacket-" Rumple-in-leather winked. "-Has all of Rumpelstiltskin's more, um, sexual desires as well as an affinity for Belle."

"What about him?" Red pointed at the turtleneck wearing Rumple, who flinched at her finger.

"He seems to have all of Rumpelstiltskin's inner insecurities, fears, and anxieties. Why he's wearing a turtleneck remains to be seen." Rumple-in-glasses frowned. "Am I missing anyone?"

"Me," The depressed-looking Rumple said sadly. "You forgot me."

"Oh yes. He appears to be the depressed one." Rumple-in-glasses said dissmissively.

"Everything horrible that's happened to Rumpelstiltskin, I remember," Depressed-Rumple sighed. "Everything..."

"Yes, we know dearie," Nice-Rumple said kindly.

"So you're the nice one, you're the mean one, you're the timid one, you're the sad one, you're the flirty one, and you're the smart one," Snow rattled off, nodding at each of Rumpelstiltskin's entities.

"Damn. What a mess," Grumpy pointed out.

"He forgot one," Angry-Rumple snapped. "Evil."

"Evil?" Neal asked, looking a little anxious.

"Oh yes, of course. Rumpelstiltskin woke up as seven entities, not six. The seventh of us apparantly inheirited Rumpelstiltskin's mischevious, evil, and darker instincts. Just so you know, he's the one who's been wrecking the town."

Regina's eyebrows raised up into her hairline, and David swallowed. Snow, Neal and Red looked a little nervous, while Grumpy rolled his eyes.

"So Gold's evil side is running around Storybrooke?" Emma said slowly. "That's...not good. Judging by the stories I've heard."

"Rumple's not evil!" Belle protested. "Maybe I can talk to him."

"Belle, sweetheart," Nice Rumple protested. "You can't tame Rumpelstiltskin's dark side when there's no good attached to it."

"He's still Rumple," Belle argued. "It's worth a try."

"No it's not," Logical Rumple said firmly. "It won't work. I should know. We were part of him too you know, and we're saying it's a bad idea." Logical gestured to himself and his fellow entities.

"It's better it Emma just to puts him in a cell," Sad-Rumple muttered.

Belle looked a little torn by this.

"If she even can," Angry-Rumple snapped. "Rumpelstiltskin's evil side is dangerous. He probably has magic by now...or worse."

"Well we have to do something," Neal said, then stood up. "Do any of you know where he might be?"

"No. But you might want to start looking," Angry-Rumple said, then reclined back in his lounge chair.

"Gee, thanks for the help," David muttered. "Okay, maybe we should split up? One team takes half of the town, and the other takes the rest while Regina stays here with the Rumpelstiltskin's and works on getting them all back together?"

"Yeah, that's good. I'll take Emma, Red, and Belle, and you can take Neal, Hook and Grumpy," Snow said thoughtfully.

"Girls vs. Boys!" Red fist-pumped in the air.

"Hey, what about me?" Henry protested.

"You can stay with us," Nice Rumple offered. "I can take you out in my car again."

"Sweet!" Henry high-fived Nice-Rumple.

Regina sighed. "I'm not going to even bother and try and stop them. Also if you can, try and get in contact with Whale too. He might be able to help us put Rumpelstiltskin back together."

"Got it." Emma nodded.

Flirty-Rumple, who had been uncharacteristically quiet up to that point winked at Belle. "Don't get hurt sweetheart. It'd be a shame to have to replace you."

"Oh knock it off, you horny son of a bitch!" Angry Rumple snapped.

As the two began bickering, Nervous-Rumple anxiously placed a hand on Belle's shoulder.

"I hope you don't get hurt Belle..." Nervous-Rumple squeaked out.

"Thank you sweetheart," Belle smiled at him, and Nervous-Rumple looked like he was about to have a heart attack, but he still turned to Neal.

"You too," He said nervously, and Neal frowned quizzically.

"Thanks dad," Neal muttered. Nervous-Rumple looked a little relieved and slunk back to hide behind Nice-Rumple.

"I suggest that you all hurry before daylight burns entirely," Logical-Rumple said pointedly.

"All right. Good luck Regina," Emma said, and she led the girls out.

"Behave all of you," Neal ordered the multiple versions of his father, before following the boys out.

Regina looked anxiously at the multiple Rumple's in front of her and silently wondered how she got into this situation.

Monday, 5:32 PM

"Have you gotten anything yet dearie?"

Whale flinched at the scaly imp's voice breathing down the back of his neck.

"No, not yet," Whale said evenly.

"Well hurry up!" Rumpelstiltskin growled before stalking to the corner, muttering to himself.

Whlae wiped a bead of sweat off his brow. The return of Rumpelstiltskin the Dark One had certainly surprised the hell out of him, but not as much as when Evil-Rumple had dragged him to the hospital and had put the entire building on lockdown. All the other nurses and maids had been kicked out and the patients had been confined to their rooms.

And Evil Rumple had put him to work.

He had given Whale a sample of the orange goo Regina had supposedly spilled on Rumpelstiltskin before any of this had happened and ordered him to analye it.

After a series of tests, Whale had concluded that not only had Regina used magic (which was against the rules of the bet) but she had also used a chemical that when used correctly, was like a bipolar version of happy-gas. When inflicted upon a person, it made them very, very emotional.

Whale could only imagine what the magic could do to it, but looking at Evil-Rumple, it wasn't that hard to tell.

"What exactly do you want me to make?" Whale asked as he brought out the sample of the orange goo in a petri dish.

"Recreate it," Evil-Rumple snapped. "Duh."

"Okay, but what for?"

The look Evil-Rumple gave him made chills go down his spine. Whale swallowed and went back to studying the petri dish. He couldn't remember Rumpelstiltskin being this nasty back when he had encountered him in the Enchanted Forest, but maybe he had been lucky.

I have to get word out, Whale thought. Somehow. Maybe there's still a nurse in the building, one I can somehow get to Emma or Charming.

"There's a chemical I need," Whale said loudly. "It's in one of the patients rooms. I can go get it."

"I'll get it," Evil-Rumple snarled in his face. Whale cleared his throat.

"You wouldn't know hwere it is. I have it locked somewhere, it's very hard to get," Whale said hopefully.

"Fine!" Evil-Rumple sneered. "But I will see you if you try to run." He thrust a clawed finger in Whale's face to make his point.

"Okay then." Whale slowly moved out of the basement. The reptailian eyes watched him as he went across the room and out the door.

Once he was out of their line, Whale felt like he could breathe again. He set off down the halls, eyes roaming.

Nobody! This place is deserted, how did he get everyone out? C'mon, c'mon, there has to be someone here.

"Hey Frankenstein! Long time no see!"

Almost ectastic, Whale turned around to see Jefferson, good ol' Jefferson, looking half-mad as usual, staring at him quizzically.

"Where is everyone?" Jefferson asked.

"Shh!" Whale exclaimed, remembering Evil-Rumple, who was probably listening magically or something like that.

"What? What's going on?"

"Shh! Listen, you need to find Emma or Charming..." Whale frowned. "Wait, what are you doing in the hospital?"

"Um..." Jefferson looked freaked out for a minute. "No reason."

"Never mind. Look, you need to find Emma..."

"I don't know. Emma's still probably pissed at me for kidnapping her and her mother." Jefferson said thoughtfully.

"Okay, I don't want to know. Don't find Emma then, find Charming or Grumpy or Belle or somebody!" Whale hissed. "Tell them that Rumpelstiltskin's gone crazy, and that they need to get to the hospital right now!"

"Why?" Jefferson crossed his arms and looked skeptical.

"Just tell them! You need to go now, and tell them!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Jefferson, now is not the time to do your whole mad act-"

"Oh, you think I'm acting? I'm mad, Whale! I am very, very mad! Do you want to see who mad I am?" Jefferson glared at him. "Are you doubting my madness?"

"Fine! I'll give you free medical insurance!"

"Is that seriously all you got? Besides, I already have medical insurance."

"You do? What?"

"Blue Cross. But do you have any Oreos?"

"Plenty."

"Then give me Oreos man! Desperate times call for Oreos!"

"Fine, deal! You got yourself some Oreos! Just find Emma or somebody and tell them I'm trapped in the hospital!"

"When will I get those Oreos?"

"JEFFERSON!"

"Fine! I'm going! Sheesh, I just want some Oreos!" Jefferson strode away down the halls and was gone.

Whale breifly wondered how the Hatter would get out of the hospital, but he had a feeling that madness would find a way.

He was about to go back to the cellar when he remembered that he had said he had needed another chemical for the serum.

Well that was just great.

After a few minutes of rummaging around, Whale struck gold. Not Gold, but metaphorical gold.

Whale stuffed the small container of what the hospital used to sedate patients in his pocket and walked back to the cellar, keeping his face even so not to give him away.

"I got the chemical I needed," Whale said, waving it in the air.

"Whoop-dee-doo for you dearie," Evil-Rumple said, rolling his eyes. "Get back to work! And you better hope that you didn't try anything!"

_He didn't suspect! Well, at least not much to know what I did._ Whale could have wooped in joy, but instead, he walked calmly back to his worktable and continued mixing chemicals.


	4. Whale Does Not Understand Tacos

A/N-If no one gets the tacos reference, I will make them watch that episode again.

Dislaimer-I already did this, didn't I?

Chapter 4-

**Monday, 7:00 PM**

_"I'M ON THE HIIIIIIIIGHWAY TO HELL! I'M ON THE HIIIIIIIIGHWAY TO HELL!_" Snow sang loudly as ACDC blasted loudly through the speakers.

"We all are," Red groaned as she, Emma, and Belle covered their ears.

"You wouldn't think Snow White would like ACDC." Emma muttered to herself. "You'd think Snow White would like classical music or Disney songs."

Snow stopped singing for a minute. "Uhh..." She glanced at Belle. "Any idea of where we should look?"

Belle frowned, realizing that none of them had actually given any thought about where to look.

"Maybe the library?" She suggested.

"Or the tunnels underneath the library?" Emma added. "They seemed like a really good evil lair for Gold's evil persona or whatever the heck it is to go wandering about.

"The library it is then!" Snow, who had been heading in the opposite direction from the library made a u-turn and resumed singing. "HIIIIIIIIGHWAY TO HELL!"

"That's my mother," Emma groaned. "Who the hell made up the fact that Snow White's a fantastic singer?"

"Walt Disney," Belle said helpfully.

* * *

**7:30 PM**

The men of the group were also having trouble deciding where to look. After they left Rumpelstiltskin's house, they had somehow ended up at Granny's drinking coffee. Archie was still there, exactly where they had left him.

"Is he dead?" Hook questioned, staring at the ginger head in the soup bowl.

"Nah, Granny wouldn't let that happen," David reassured him before stopping to wonder if Granny would let that happen.

"Why are we here again?" Neal asked.

"To decide where we're going to go," David glared at him.

Neal shifted uncomfortably. "Uh-couldn't we just do that in the car?"

David's eyes narrowed into an expression that was not-Charming. For a fairy tale prince, he could look surprisingly scary.

"I was hungry," David growled.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Grumpy said in an attempt to get the Prince to calm down. "Don;t maul your daughter's boyfriend, okay?"

"I'm not her boyfriend!" Neal spluttered. "I'm..."

"What?" Hook raised an eyebrow. "What are you to Swan?"

Neal hesitated. "I have no idea, actually."

Hook opened his mouth to comment again, but a certain hatter interrupted.

"Hey! You guys! Prince Charming! Grumpy dwarf! Captain Hook! Some random dude!" Jefferson stared at Neal for a moment. "Seriously, who the hell are you?"

"What is it Jefferson?" David muttered grumpily.

"All right," Jefferson took a deep breath. "So, apparantly Frankenstein's trapped in the hospital, and Rumpelstiltskin's gone back to being gold and giggly. No idea why." Jefferson nodded at the shocked looks on his audience's faces. "Yep. And they call me mad."

"The hospital?" David was on his feet in an instant. "They're at the hospital?"

Jefferson stared at him quizzically. "Yeah. You're all taking Whale going crazy a lot better than I expected. Am I missing something important here?"

"To the hospital!" David, Neal, Grumpy, and a reluctant Hook dashed out the front door.

"Yep," Jefferson muttered as he followed them. "I'm definitely missing something here."

* * *

**8:00 PM**

After a while, all six Rumple's began to annoy her.

Logical-Rumple wouldn't shut up, Angry-Rumple wouldn't shut up, Nice-Rumple looked so annoyingly pleasant, Depressed-Rumple wouldn't stop stop complaining about all the horrible things that were bound to happen to him and his fellow entities, and Timid-Rumple was a snively moron.

And Flirty-Rumple missed Belle.

Regina glared at Flirty-Rumple as he smirked and winked at her. He had taken off his shirt a long time ago, and was apparantly trying to seduce her. While she had to admit he didn't look half bad with his shirt off, there was nothing in the lowest pits of hell that could make her admit it, or even acknowledge it.

"I can't wait until there's just one of you again," Regina muttered, as she absent-mindedly mixed random ingrediants together. After the others had left, she had magically transported some of her supplies to Rumpelstiltskin's living room, and had created a makeshift laboratory. "Six-no-seven Rumpelstiltskin's. What did I do that was so horrible that made me deserve this?"

"You killed a few people," Logical Rumple said matter-of-factly.

Regina glared at him.

"Was that a rethorical question?" Logical-Rumple frowned. "Apologies, I didn't gain Rumpelstiltskin's sense for those. I think it went to Angry."

Angry-Rumple growled when he heard Logical-Rumple's voice.

"Why do you refer to him as 'Angry'?" Regina asked moodily as she stirred version C of the 'get-Rumple-back-to-normal' potion. "And why do you refer to yourself as 'Logical?' It sounds like a dwarf name."

"We're not dwarves!" Timid-Rumple protested, looking hurt as usual.

Angry-Rumple hissed.

Logical-Rumple looked confused.

Flirty-Rumple kept winking at her.

Nice-Rumple smiled at her.

And Depressed-Rumple just kept looking depressed.

Regina sighed, and continued to work.

As time went on, the Rumple's began to drop off. Depressed-Rumple had fallen asleep in the middle of one of his gloomy rants, his head resting on one of the arms of the sofa. Next to him, Timid-Rumple and Nice-Rumple had conked out snoring.

Flirty-Rumple was having trouble looking flirty. His eyelids kept drooping, which didn't make a particularly sexy look and he knew it. Angry-Rumple stopped looking so angry.

The only Rumple who didn't seem affected by fatigue was Logical-Rumple, though Regina caught him yawning a few times. Looking at the clock, she was a little surprised.

"Why are you all so tired? It's barely eight-thirty." Regina gave Logical-Rumple a good thump on the head and he yelped. Almost in unison, his five other counterparts jolted thier heads up and gave a similar cry.

"What was that for?" Timid-Rumple whimpered.

Regina stared at them, excitement beginning to flow through her.

She whacked Logical in the head again.

"Ow!" Logical-Rumple complained. "That is entirely unnessecary!"

Almost immediately, all of the other Rumple's winced and began muttering their complaints.

Regina felt a little light bulb go off in her head.

"Interesting," She murmured.

* * *

The car containing the masculine fairy-tale legends pulled up in front of the hospital's doors. The men piled out of the car and sauntered to the glass double-doors, feeling cool.

Then Neal ruined it by over his own feet and crashing into the glass.

Everyone groaned. "You just ruined the moment there, mate." Hook commented.

"Sorry," Neal said sheepishly.

David rolled his eyes. "We have to be quiet! We can't make a sound! This means you Neal!"

"Me?" Neal looked even more sheepish.

"Yeah you," David snapped. "Just copy me, okay? I'm a super-stealth ninja!"

"Really?" Jefferson said, bored.

"Yeah!" Proud of himself for standing up to the guy who had knocked up his daughter, David pushed his fists against the door handles dramatically. An extremely loud squeak came from the hinges. David froze, looking horrified.

His comrades stared at him. Neal fought the urge to snicker. He clapped his hands over his mouth.

"Hey super-stealth ninja?" Jefferson strode past the prince with ease. "Let's make this quick. I have a daughter to get back to."

"Right." David muttered.

* * *

"Turn right."

"I did!"

"No, your other right!"

"What the hell does that mean!"

"Ugh!" Emma threw up her hands in exasperation at her mother. "This is why I don't let anyone drive my Bug but me!"

Belle and Red watched the spectacle from the backseat.

"How can someone get lost in a small town?" Belle whispered to Red.

Red shrugged. "And we passed the library at least twice."

* * *

At first, Whale was relieved that David, Grumpy, Hook, and Neal had come to rescue him.

They had crashed through the door had pulled out their weapons. (David and Hook with swords, Grumpy with his pickaxe, and Neal with a pocketknife, and Jefferson with...a top hat) They looked ready for battle.

Then, they had gotten a glimpse at Evil-Rumpelstiltskin, who was reclining in a chair next to Whale watching the doctor work. For a moment, the sorceror and the group of men assembled at the door had stared at eachother for a minute. Evil-Rumpelstiltskin's face had contorted into an evil snarl, and those assembled at the door had lost their nerve.

"RUUUUN!" Jefferson had screamed.

So Whale had gotten up and ran with the rest of them.

Fortunately, even though he was scary, Evil-Rumple didn't seem to have a lot of common sense. It was strange for him, Whale reflected, back in the Enchanted Forest he had always seemed so together, collected, and appeared to have everything thought out. Now, he just seemed pure evil, and not well thought-out evil. Just evil. The evil you didn't want to mess with.

Do to his lack of common sense, Evil-Rumple ended up chasing them through the hospital halls, screeching like a banshee. It was utterly terrifying.

They managed to make it out through the fire escape, Evil-Rumple not far behind. They flew down each flight of stairs as fast as they could, and finally, out into the night.

"Get in the car!" David shreiked.

"Oh no you don't!" Evil-Rumpelstiltskin snarled, and snapped his fingers. "I have MAGIC!"

With a poof, David was stumbling over the hem of his Snow White costume dress, matching pink jellyfish fairy dresses appeared on Hook and Grumpy, one of Ruby's old scanty outfits replaced Whale's doctor coat, Jefferson suddenly was wearing what looked like a flapper dress, and Neal was suddenly clad in a white, full skirted wedding dress.

"What the-?" Grumpy looked enraged, then visibly confused.

"Um-" Evil-Rumple looked confused for a moment, then returned to a sneer. "A little parting gift. Because-I will return!" With that, there was a puff of smoke, and when it cleared, he was gone.

The men all froze for a long moment, unsure of what to do. A long silence followed.

"Well..." Neal commented after a while. "It's not that bad."

David glared at him, then realized the rest of the men were nodding.

"I like the red." Whale looked down in the high heels in admiration.

"Are you all being serious?!" David snapped angrily.

"I kinda like it." Jefferson patted the feather headress.

"It's very comfortable!" Grumpy declared and twirled around in the pink jellyfish dress very un-Grumpy like.

"I never knew that pink was my color," Hook said with a smirk.

"WOULD YOU ALL NOT BE OKAY WITH THIS?!" David screamed.

"Hey, if you want to go home to Snow wearing her dress, be my guest," Whale said. David stared at him for a minute and shuddered.

"You had to be wearing one of Ruby's outfits," David moaned.

"What? I look great!" Whale then moved into what looked like a twerking pose, and David gagged. So did everyone else.

"Don't do that again," Grumpy moaned.

"Sorry. I never knew you were all so squeamish," Whale said.

"I am not squeamish," David protested. "I practically invented tacos!"

"Tacos?" Jefferson questioned.

"Tacos are delicious." Hook declared, not really knowing what was going on.

David grinned, anger about the dress forgotten. "Yes they are. You have _no_ idea."

Everyone else stared at him.

"I don't get it," Whale commented.


End file.
